Catalpa
by ProjectM.G
Summary: Six months have passed after Hokago Tea-Time disbanded. What are the feelings of Azusa, who didn't graduate to university along with the rest?   Written from her point of view.
1. The Story

**CATALPA**

* * *

><p>'<em>Hey, Yui-sempai…'<em>

'_Hmm, Azusa?'_

'…_What'll happen after you and the other guys leave the band?'_

'_Erm… I really don't know, Azusa…'_

'…_?'_

'…_But at least for me, that means no more cake with Azu-nyan! Chuu… Azu-nyan, don't be shy!' _

'_No, Yui-sempai! Don't just hug me like that! It's disgusting, you know?'_

* * *

><p>That was already half a year ago. I let out a sigh and leaned back to the sofa. It wasn't as comfortable as it used to be since I had gone to the third year of high school. It was cold. Cold and alone.<p>

* * *

><p>'Why?'<p>

'Why do I no longer feel safe?'

'Why is there a sense of despair and loneliness in my heart instead?'

'Why am I so uneasy?'

'It… It doesn't feel good at all!'

* * *

><p>I picked myself up and walked over to the aisle. I considered opening the windows to get some fresh air. Outside the glass panels, the sky was dark. A gust of strong wind was blowing all the leaves on the catalpa tree nearby away. Thunder was roaring, frightening a few children that were playing outside. A storm was imminent. I gave up my original thought.<p>

* * *

><p>'Six months have passed since Yui-sempai and the other girls went to university.'<p>

'Are they happy there?'

'Will they be happier without me around?'

'That's right. I'm only an additional member of the band. I'm annoying and bitchy.'

'I'm not fit to be a member of Hokago Tea-Time in the very beginning.'

'That's right. They must be better without me around. I do nothing but whine and order them to do their practices only.'

'I'm… I'm totally useless.'

* * *

><p>Grasping on to the that precious pink cup Mugi-sempai left for me as a farewell present tightly, I sighed once more and stared blankly at the panorama outside. The wind was very, very vigorous now. It seemed that the hurricane had landed on this city. The catalpa tree roughly two miles away from my house looked like it would tumble down anytime. I could hear its branches snapping. White petals scattered all around the earth below.<p>

* * *

><p>'I thought I could live with Ui and Jun, but…'<p>

'…I need Yui-sempai and Hokago Tea-Time after all…'

'But… I'm so useless, will they accept me again?'

'Why? Why does fate like to play with me so much?'

'Why? Why couldn't I go back to the past? When I was still happily playing music in Hokago Tea-Time?'

'Why? …Why?'

* * *

><p>Tears dropped down my cheeks and dampened my dress. Feeling nothing but utter bitterness and sorrow, I looked to the sky above, hoping that I would find Yui and my three other friends there, smiling at me. But I couldn't. Instead, drizzles of rain fell down the black, heavy clouds, as if it was mocking at me.<p>

The wind was still blowing strongly. It looked like that catalpa tree had reached its maximum limit. Any stronger gust and it would immediately collapse.

I, too, had reached my maximum limit. Before this, I would always look out to the window whenever I was feeling down. But today, I couldn't get any consolation at all. The outside world just kept getting darker and darker, much like my heart inside.

* * *

><p>'<em>Yui-sempai, don't go! Hokago Tea-Time, please don't leave me, I beg you!'<em>

I was weeping.

'_No, I beg of you! Just stay together with me!'_

I was crying.

'_Azu-nyan, you're so cuuute!' _

Yui's image suddenly emerged in my mind.

'_Azu-nyan!'_

Now it was Ritsu's.

'_Azu-nyan!'_

'_Azu-nyan!'_

Mio's. Mugi's.

* * *

><p>Time suddenly seemed to pause itself and the world shattered like a piece of glass. I could no longer differentiate between reality and illusion. Was Yui real? Was Ritsu real? Were Mio and Mugi real as well?<p>

Everything was swirling before my eyes. My head ached. It was in excruciating pain. My head was in so much pain that I could no longer take it. Why? Why was I like this today? Why? Someone… Someone please save me, please!

* * *

><p>'Where's the real me?'<p>

'I didn't want Hokago Tea-Time to disband, yet I…'

'Yet… I'm such an utter failure!'

'I couldn't do anything! Nothing!'

'But Hokago Tea-Time still left me at the very end!'

* * *

><p>A sudden flash of lightning blinded my eyes, followed by the roar of thunder. As I let out a loud and sharp 'No!', something crashed down to the ground below.<p> 


	2. Author's Note  Warning: Spoilers

**CATALPA: AN EXTRA CHAPTER**

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><p>Thank you for all your reviews. From the feedback, I can see that many do not understand the meaning of that last sentence in my story, which is '…something crashed to the ground below'. Originally I intended to leave that open for the readers to interpret, but it seems that I could not because many misinterpreted it as Azusa committed suicide. So in order to prevent any more confusion, here are some guides to help you with that last sentence:<p>

1. You may think that it is the catalpa tree that hit the ground, which is a symbolism of Azusa's mind (since Azusa means 'catalpa' in Japanese). As Azusa's mental strength finally collapses, the catalpa tree could not also withstand the strong wind and crashes to the ground below.

2. You may also think that the teacup hit the ground, which is a symbolism of Azusa's bonds with the other HTT members. Azusa eventually feels that she is no longer friends with the other HTT members and at the same time, the tea cup smashes to the ground, pointing towards the fact that Azusa's bonds with her friends has broken.

3. It could also be Azusa herself, since she is very likely to have fainted after her mental breakdown.

This fanfiction was inspired by the Takotsuboya K-ON Trilogy doujinshi and hence, the Azusa in the story was based off the Azusa in that doujinshi, and not the actual anime and manga themselves. Perhaps Azusa might have overreacted or being too angsty in this story and you may hence find her character unconvincing. My apologies for that.

- _An Author's Note _


End file.
